welcome to zero's cosmos !!

this is my house, but you're welcome here anytime :]
i don't care if you leave your shoes on, but pleeeaase don't eat the grass; the city will sue me.

i'm 19, use she/he pronouns, and live in the pnw. i'm currently working towards a fine arts degree at my local community college,
but i spend my freetime writing (journaling, poetry, memior, essays, and a little fiction), making bad music, and reading through piles of library books.
my main fandoms are smosh, starkid, gravity falls, my chemical romance, and twenty one pilots, but i've been getting into drag race!

follow me on tumblr!!

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mar 18, 2025, 12am

oh wow, i've been gone for a while. life got busy in a good way.
i've been painting, and getting ready for in-person classes, and reading,
and writing, and spending time with all of the lovely people in my life.
i've also been very anxious and having a hard time sleeping, but it's spring,
and that redeems everything.

listen to 'lullabies for dogs' by chase petra, and read 'prairie, dresses,
art, other' by danielle dutton. paint your bed. do some laundry. write
the things that come to mind. go back to a project you haven't touched for years.

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feb 26, 2025, 10pm

i've been having a hard time with food recently, so i decided to buy a couple
pounds of potatoes, chop them up, and freeze them. not only does that make
cooking quicker and cheaper, but it means i can cook hashbrowns while i'm
home alone without having to touch a knife. a couple months ago, i was
cutting up some potatoes while i was home alone, and i dropped the knife
and just barely missed my foot; i have no idea what i would've done if i hadn't
jumped out of the way in time. BUT, i finally used my frozen hashbrowns today,
and i am slightly dissapointed to say that they ended up kinda weird and chewy.
i'll try cooking them a little differently next time.

other than that, my backs been hurting in very concerning ways recently.
i haven't done my pt in so long, and i've been sitting/laying down in ways that
aren't good for my back; i'm really worried that i'm doing serious harm. it feels
like my scar is ripping open and my muscles are tearing away from my spine.
i'm worried that i have a bolt coming undone. i'm gonna schedule an appointment
with my surgeon and make sure everythings okay. i should do my pt more...
i (like to) think that i have a pretty good pain tolerance, but i just get so scared
and freak out.

BUT! in much better news, i was able to have lunch with my mom, my partner,
and my friend today while sitting in the parking lot of one of there works.
it was so much fun and so pretty out.

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feb 26, 2025, 5am

my 4:55am alarm worked, and i am now enrolled in two art classes this
spring quarter. that was so stressful for some reason. but yesterday,
i finally cleaned my room and printed more patches !!
i think i am too stressed to fall back asleep...

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feb 19, 2025, 11pm

had a headache all day today and my therapy session was canceled, but i read
all of 'punk rock karaoke' by bianca xunise and put a fresh screen protector on
my phone for the first time since i got it almost five years ago. headache kept me
from working on music, but it was nice to get so much rest. i've been really anxious
and kinda unstable lately, but i know i'll figure it out and everything will be okay.

i've been watching 9-1-1 lone star with my partner because brian michael smith
is in it, and we started season 2 recently. why is this season suddenly so much more
stressful than the first one? i have issues with gore, and medical problems, and
natural disasters, so it's kinda been ruminating in me a little. not the funnest watch,
but i'm troopin

i also realized that i haven't written (non-fanfic) or drawn in a while; i haven't
really been reading much either. i guess i've just been a little out of it, like
overwhelmed to a state of paralysis. but it'll be okay. things are changing, and
it's scary, but it'll be okay. growing pains. maybe i just need to let myself fall
apart a little instead of holding everything together so tightly. and now i'm
publically journaling; that's my queue.

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feb 16, 2025, 9pm

happy spine-iversary to me!! four years ago, i got a life-saving spinal fusion
that has both made certain things a lot harder and made my life possible.
i am forever grateful that my chronic pain is not nearly as bad as it was
before the surgery. even though my back pain has been getting concerningly
worse lately, it's a joy to be able to celebrate my recovery every year.
to a life that continues even with its issues; to a life that has continued.

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feb 12, 2025, 12pm

i've been working on a song recently... surprisingly, i'm doing well with
the instrumental. i finally figured the piano out for the chorus,
and now i'm working on adding kalimba to what i have so far.

maaayyybe, one day, i will release music..

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feb 11, 2025, 7am

poor hank... time sure is ruthless

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feb 10, 2025, 12am

i ate out today at a place that had those duck claw machines, and I GOT AN OTTER
DUCK. first try, too. i love it so much. it was a beautiful cherry on an amazing meal at a
very pretty place with an extraordinary person.
and now i'm staying up late writing more gravity falls fanfiction... and listening to
king princess for the first time since 8th or 9th grade

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feb 4, 2025, 7am

it's been snowing recently!! i love the snow so much, it makes the freezing cold weather
worth it. i had an amazing long weekend spending so much time with so many people.
valentine's day is coming up!!!

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feb 2, 2025, 11am

guess who got their ao3 account and posted their fanfic B)

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jan 30, 2025, 8am

last night, i posted my last instragram post (because the things meta are doing are
absolutely atrocious), but now i miss having a place to post pictures of myself...
like i have this blog; i have my tumblr blogs; i even have a bluesky, but none of those
are places i wanna post pictures of myself. i made a pixelfed account a week or two ago,
and i think i might actually start posting on there.
on another note, i am still waiting for my turn on the ao3 waiting list. i've been
checking my inbox and junk folder every day. i just wanna post my fanfic...

and i stayed up last night learning basic css to finally "style" this website, and
even though i understand how to code everything, i'm suddenly lost aesthetically??
this is so unlike me.. if all the colors change every day, don't act surprised

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jan 29, 2025, 9pm

i had a very fun long weekend of hanging out with friends and getting killed by my
dentist thrice. and the other day, a little girl who lives by me ran over to the little
lending library in our front yard and left a note in it with a drawing of a monkey
that said she lost it and that her sister was sad,so i've been spending my days
making her a new stuffed monkey :)) i'm really excited to finish it and give it to her !!

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jan 24, 2025, 11pm

rewatching gravity falls, mwahahahaha

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jan 24, 2025, 3pm

listening to so much new music and i'm so so happy; life is so beautiful.
every year, i set a goal to listen to 100 new albums, and i'm 9 down.
today, i listened to 'xo' by leathermouth, 'spit' by kittie, and 'this is how tomorrow
moves' by beabadoobee. (now new, but i also listened to 'celebrity skin' by hole,
and yesterday, i listened to 'tidal' by fiona apple and 'despite' by ladypills multiple times)
all the sun and music makes me such a happy chappy :]

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jan 24, 2025, 11am

speeding through 'the right to sex' by amia srinivasan, right now;
i just cannot seem to put it down. i thought it was gonna be a pretty basic
discussion of choice feminism and the shame around sex, but
it's been surprisingly eye-opening and touched on stuff i've never thought about.
i'm only two chapters in, but i'm really excited to keep reading it!!

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jan 23, 2025, 11am

writing fanfiction for the first time and listening to 'flouder' by quinnie.
this is what life is all about.

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jan 22, 2025, 5pm

drum set and overexposed selfie :) peep the conan gray hoodie that i'm
slowly covering in patches

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jan 22, 2025, 1am

definitely didn't just listen to top's whole discography while going through and
tagging my reblogs on my tumblr sideblog... so sleepy

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jan 22, 2025, 12am

there's finally frost everywhere!!!

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jan 21, 2025, 11pm

i can't believe i birthed a website today... i haven't coded since i was around eight years old.
coding is inextricably linked to my father for me, but i'm still having a fun time :)

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. . .

[end of archive]